Flirting
if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an accomplished flirt, you’ll know just how flattering it can be
When we first spot someone we fancy, it’s our subconscious that’s driving everything. Assessing each other’s attractiveness in terms of our body shape, clothes, social status and the like. And so we feel drawn together.
But no matter how much you two like each other, you’re going to have to talk together if the relationship’s to get anywhere. And that can be quite scary. Both of you worrying about the possibility of rejection and so on.
Fortunately there’s a whole unspoken language which makes the whole situation much easier: flirting.
It works for both sexes, and starts long before you say a word. The glance that’s just a moment too long. The shy almost-smile. Touches to the hair. The way your legs are positioned. All signals that say, ‘It’s OK, I won’t bite your head off.’
Some of us have got everything about flirting completely taped, while others are just downright awful at it. But it’s always tremendous fun. And if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an accomplished flirt, you’ll know just how flattering it can be. It’s playful, romantic, and designed to let you back off without too much wounded pride if it doesn’t work out.
The right attitude is the main thing. A good flirt is confident, assertive and willing to take risks. ‘Faint heart never won fair lady.’ So be enthusiastic, open and up-front. If you’re with your mates, slip away from them so they don’t notice what you’re doing. That way, if things don’t work out, no one gets to laugh. Maybe work out a ‘casual encounter,’ on the way to the bar. It sounds corny, but you can always walk by and accidentally-on-purpose drop something, or brush into your target. Use the time while you’re apologising to break the ice. Perhaps by saying something amusing that reveals something about yourself. If that goes well, go on to introduce yourself. If you don’t, just slip away, no embarrassment on either side.
But if a conversation starts, have fun! Be playful, go with the flow, be light-hearted and spontaneous. Smile, it’s contagious. A smile lights up your face and makes people like you. And really listen. Most of us worry so much about what we’re going to say next that we ignore what’s being said to us. But you can make a whole conversation out of ‘follow on’ questions, and the person your flirting with will think you’re great company! Everyone loves being listened to. Compliment them. Something a little unexpected, that makes your partner realise that you’ve noticed something special about them. Show your vulnerability. Reveal just a little about yourself in return whenever your partner tells you something about themselves. Just enough, so your partner will ask for more.
Eye contact is critical. Use your eyes to show that you’re genuinely interested and sincere. But don’t stare. People hate it if you lock eyes with them, or if you look somewhere else all the time. To begin with, draw your partners attention to something one of you is wearing, or things or people around you, and lighten the eye contact by both looking at them. Later, as you get to like each other, your subconscious will take over and monitoring eye contact will be the last thing on your mind!
Girls who want to attract a man should show a little skin. But classy, demure and stylish. And remember that underneath the bravado, men are easily put off. So if you look unapproachable, you won’t be approached! Smile just a little at every opportunity. And network. Talk to all the blokes you meet. It’s good practice, and the more guys you talk to, the more likely you are to meet one that matches your needs.
And it may sound old fashioned, but the ‘first date’ really is up to the guy. And it just has to be memorable! So clean up, choose a subtle after-shave, dress nicely, and go for it. You suggest where to go, unless she offers. Nowhere flashy, well within your spending limits. And somewhere that allows you to talk, but not be focussed completely on each other, so the inevitably silences aren't uncomfortable! Go somewhere you’ll have fun, but where you’re also able to get to know one another better. And be you. After all, if you really aren’t compatible, what’s the point in going on?
And if the worst does come to the worst, and the evening really is awful, both of you should grit your teeth and use it as an opportunity to improve your dating skills. Don’t even think of rushing off to join your mates, and instead, focus on giving your partner a good time. It’ll pay off in the long run.