Take charge
...it all starts with basing your life around change
It’s all too easy to get into a rut, living every day just the same as the one before. Until one day you’re wondering where your life went. And with nothing to show for it.
Somehow, everything you’re doing seems very ordinary. A job that just pays just enough for you to get by, but never enough that you feel secure. Your relationships are OK, but never wonderful.
So how can you take charge of your life, rather than just letting thing happen? So that you’re driving your career, your finances are solid and your relationships really zing?
It all starts with basing your life around change, rather than just more of the same. Like you should be planning to be in a new position every few years, with every job based on work that you enjoy and feel is important.
Start that off by thinking about what you enjoy doing. Chances are you’re already doing it, it’s just that you don’t think of it as work. When do you feel most alive? Helping a friend, learning something new, organising a party, negotiating for bargains? Think of jobs where being good at these things is what counts. And believe me, whatever it is you love doing, someone somewhere’s getting paid for doing it. So if that’s something you’d also be proud of, then you’ve found your goal.
Unless you’re already doing those things in your current job, create a small project where you can start practicing them in your own time. Push your project forward just a little every day so you become skilled and enthusiastic about it. Test out your new skills by doing a little voluntary work, or helping people you know. That will also get you known, and build your CV.
Start a blog about your project, go to conferences and talks, get out and meet people in the field. Some will soon be potential clients, and it won’t be long before they start offering to pay you.
You should also put some order into your life. Take a look at any high achiever you know. You’ll find lots of reasons for their success. But the one thing you won’t find is chaos. They’re always organised, self-possessed, punctual, and getting things done.
So simplify and organise your life, and start minimising your expenditure. Start saving instant access cash. Your target is to have a ‘war chest’ which will cover your bills for a year. Only after that should you start buying equities, bonds, property and so on, where your money’s not so readily available. And no more debts except for profitable ventures. Now you have the cash for your project! And no more stress towards the end of the month!
Next get on top of your time.
Because our lives always tend to get too busy, stressed and confusing. Think about how you actually spend your day, both in and out of work. Be honest. You’ll be disgusted by the amount of time you waste reading emails, chatting, making coffee, and by how little of what you do really matters, routine paper pushing, signing chits. Definitely not the stuff of your dreams.
Start to identify the things you absolutely must do each day, and prioritise them. The things you’re assessed against at work. Essential family stuff. Your core study schedule. Put in contingency time to cope with the unpredictable.
Do any task that can be finished in one minute right away. And stop endlessly putting things off! Especially important stuff like exercise, time with your family, that book you keep promising yourself you’ll write. Or work on your project.
The 20 minutes rule is a great way to get on top of putting things off. Because you can do anything for 20 minutes, no matter how scary. It’s a great way to motivate yourself, and can completely change your life.
So listen to your partner for 20 minutes a day, and they’ll be much happier.
Read something technical for 20 minutes a day and you’ll gradually become an expert.
Spend 20 minutes a day organising priorities, and you’ll always know what needs to be done next.
Spend 20 minutes a day doing absolutely nothing!
And work on your project for just twenty minutes every day. Turn off all the distractions while you’re working: radio, TV, email and messaging. Switch your phone to silent. Tell your family not to disturb you.
At the end of twenty minutes, just stop. And give yourself a small treat. That’s all it takes to motivate you to start again tomorrow.
Develop the habit of always being in the moment. Focused on what you’re doing right at that time. And whenever you find yourself thinking about the past or the future, bring yourself back into the present. Which means for example, that you need to let go of your past, even if it was awful. That may sound difficult, but the split second you decide to put your past behind you, is the point where you take control of your life. So forgive anyone who needs forgiveness - including yourself - and then let it go. Don’t miss opportunities because you’re too busy regretting something that happened years ago.
The same goes for the future. Only worry about things that you can do something constructive about. Successful people make plans for the things in the future that they can control, and let go of the rest.
Because right now is really important. Of all the time you will ever live, it’s the only moment you can control. The past is gone, the future uncertain, and today’s opportunities will only come once. So approach every day as if it was the most important instant in your life. Which it is! Be focused, alert and aware. And you’ll find that each day has become a series of challenging and exciting experiences. Instead of just reacting to events. And, gradually, you’ll also notice that people are treating you differently. And good things are starting to happen.
Make the most of each and every day by aiming to do your best in every single thing you do. Whether it’s your relationship, bringing up your children or your work. And always have a target. Because that means that you’re pro-actively thinking about your life, and not just hoping something will turn up.
The last part of being pro-active is knowing what’s REALLY important. And that’s never stuff like driving a flash car. It’s being kind and not hurting people. Being loyal to your friends. Keeping your promises. Making time for your loved ones. And never ever forgetting that it’s your relationships that bring the joy into your life. So you should give them the highest priority of all.
Which leads to what may seem like an odd conclusion: you should actually always be aiming to do less rather than more. Why? Because unsuccessful people are always far too busy, and yet somehow always manage to leave out what really matters. So fix that, by always focusing on what’s truly important, and you’re well on the way to being in charge of your life.